


even now (can I choose to fly?)

by PearlTurtle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: HQSS16, M/M, Secret Santa, Some of shiratori are mentioned but no-one else shows up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:04:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlTurtle/pseuds/PearlTurtle
Summary: Semi Eita left three things behind.Three things also weren't said.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been super excited to post this. It's for pinkteabagarhut over on tumblr and for one of the Haikyuu secret Santa events. I was in rush to finish since the original person I was making a gift for dropped out (sadly :c they were one of my fav authors) but I got it done !! Hmu at mard-geer-at-animegaysarecanon on tumblr, or my twitter @PearltoRoses .

 

 

Tendou found Semi alone on a park bench in the middle of the night after Shirabu was declared the official setter, picking at black nails.

  
(Satori knew he hated painting them that colour.)

  
(Satori could make a joke about the romantic atmosphere but Eita would probably hate him for it.)

  
"Hey."

  
"Fuck off."

  
Tendou almost smiled, trying to keep a straight face, and made his way slowly to Semi, sliding onto the bench next to him.

  
(in another situation he would laugh, reply with a _charming_ or _language! What will the children think?)_

  
"Here to laugh at me like the rest if the world? Steal something else from me?"

  
(but this wasn't a different situation so Satori wouldn't say _steal your heart?)_

  
"No-one's laughing at you, Eita-kun. Naruto- _chan_ might and say some crap about trying harder to get your place back, but, as you never cease to remind me, Naruto- _chan_ doesn't exist. You try the hardest out of anyone I know, and yet you're not the starting setter anymore."

  
Semi looked up harshly at him. The area around his eyes was pale, untouched. He hadn't cried yet.

  
(Satori had always thought Eita's skin was like snow)

  
"If I really try the hardest, then why am I not the starting setter? Hard work gets you nowhere, Satori. I've devoted my life to volleyball and I've got fucking nowhere. Shirabu may as well remain a starter. I don't even care anymore, since I'm obviously not good enough to be on the team."

  
Tendou winced. Semi stopped picking at his hands and got to his feet, pointedly directing his gaze away from Tendou.

  
(In anime, everything worked out. Eita would get his position back, the antagonist (was that the enemy team or Kenjirou, Satori wonders) dies and the protagonist picks up a relationship along the way)

  
(The anime method required Kenjirou dying and Eita getting together with someone who most likely wasn't Satori. The anime method wasn't optimal, now that he thought about it.)

  
"Pinch server. Or substitute. Shirabu could get injured, or..."

  
Tendou stopped, he had known the argument was pointless from the start.

  
"It'll be fine?" Tendou finished, a question to which neither of them knew the answer.

  
_(because it won't be okay. that brat stole Eita from the team. Satori wouldn't get to hit his tosses in an official game, celebrate after winning a match...)_

  
Semi shrugged.

  
"Maybe. I'm going back to my dorm now. Stay out here if you want. Don't follow me. And tell Akira-sensei I'm off sick tomorrow."

  
"Sure. Practise?"

  
He shook his head shortly, glaring at the ground as if it was the one who stole his position on the volleyball team.

  
"Ah. Will you come back?"

  
"Maybe." He shrugged again.

  
_I hope you do._

  
(He came back, two weeks later with a ghost of his old smile and his normal rainbow nail polish nowhere to be seen. This time, they were clear.)

  
_I'm glad. Tendou wanted to say. But I'm scared that you'll leave again._

_Don't go. Please._

 

  
"I know."

  
"We lost."

  
"Yeah."

  
"Oh."

  
The team was sitting in their bus, eyes bloodshot and still barely accepting their defeat by Karasuno, of all teams. Tendou sat with his head resting of Semi's shoulder, who was currently glaring at yellow nail polish.

  
(Yellow was a happy colour. Satori knew Eita wanted to remove it immediately, hate himself and put on black or a dirty blue.)

  
(because, they wouldn't be going to the nationals again or making Wakatoshi's dream. They wouldn't play together as Shiratorizawa anymore.)

  
"I'm going to quit volleyball, Eita-kun. I'll only go to practise tonight and at graduation. I won't play in university."

  
Semi nodded, a shadow of his mocking smile resting on his face. Eyes screaming with disappointment _and I don't want to accept this I won't I won't I won-_

  
(just like the day when Kenjirou became the main setter, Satori thought)

  
"Me too. In university I'll..."

  
He trailed off, expression shifting to one of unease as the sentence left his mouth, his eyes shifting to the yellow again nervously.

  
(because while they were caught up in their shining days of youth, they had forgot about the future and somehow they still lost and Eita hated it. Just like how he hated the yellow or black or blue.)

  
"Wakatoshi-kun's going for a sports scholarship. I'm going to do psychology so I might finally read people properly. That just leaves you, Semisemi. What are you going to do?"

  
_what are you going to do?_

_i don't know, not anymore_

"I got accepted to a university where I can study art and photography. If it doesn't work, my parents said they'll pay for me to retake university in music, but I don't want their help anymore. I want everything I do to be from my own hard work. I won't be a burden anymore."

  
(Eita meant the team and Satori _wanted to hit him because he was the best thing to have happened to Tendou and he never was anything close to a burden to the team, even when he ended up overworking himself because he wanted the starter position back and it'd never happen-)_

  
Tendou nodded, half-smiling.  
"Look," he nudged Semi, "The childr- I mean, the others are all sleeping."

  
"You were going to say 'children'." Semi accused. "We've gone over this before, Satori, that they already have parents. Who aren't, you may have noticed, us."

  
And then Tendou laughs.

  
"It's our last chance to call them that, so we may as well. It's also our last chance to draw on them in their sleep, so we may as well dp that as well. You up for it?"

  
Semi nods.

  
"Of course. I have a sharpie. Let me get Kenjirou, though. And don't draw on Taichi, then we can frame him for it."

  
They smile at each other, eyes shining bright, a contrast to the soft light of the setting sun.

  
(one single moment to forget about their loss.)

  
Tendou stood up quietly, waiting for Semi to finish rummaging through his bag for the pen. Semi finally emerged, holding a black sharpie and another, smaller pen.

  
"Mnn? What's the other one for, Eita-kun?"

  
"Ourselves. It's not permanent, so we just put this on ourselves and then framing Taichi gets easier when were not dealing with why we don't have pen on our faces. Come here."

  
Tendou made his way closer to Semi, and was met with the cold tip of a pen on his face. Once Semi pulled away, he handed the pen to Tendou with a gesture to himself.

  
"Now do it to me."

  
Tendou doodled on Semi's face, trying not to press too hard. He handed the pen to Semi who stashed it away in his bag quickly, then motioned for Tendou to move out the way and into the main aisle of the bus.

  
"Let's go." He smiled.

  
(Satori would only find out the next day that Eita used the sharpie on Satori's face.)

  
They made their way up the bus, sending glances at each other over their sleeping teammates' faces, and giggling softly to themselves and nearly screaming when Ushijima stirred, running back to their seat's and pretending to be asleep before realising Ushijima didn't wake up.

  
"Eita-kun~ I'd think you were almost _scared_ of Wakatoshi-kun there~"

  
"Shut it. If I was, you were too."

  
Tendou shrugged.  
"Maybe."

  
"I think you misspelled ' _you're right, Eita-kun. I am scared of our ace and friend who'll al-always lead us to victory.' "_

 

  
_victory_

 

  
_Ah._

 

  
He was smiling, but tears dripped slowly from his eyes and onto his clenched fist. Tendou's eyes widened because _'fuck, my crush is crying and I probably am too and I can't comfort him because we lost and I feel like crying too.'_

  
So he settled for a broken smile and a "I don't sound like that, Eita-kun!"

  
Semi looked up, finding Tendou's gaze, and encircling Tendou's wrist with his hand.

  
"Maybe. Who knows?"

  
"Mmn."

  
He made a noise of agreement in the back of his throat, rubbing Semi's hand with his thumb.

  
"Y'know, Eita-kun, I..."

  
"Yeah?"

  
Semi had turned to look at him, hair haloed with a rainbow of golden lights. Tendou's mouth dried.

  
"Uh, never mind..."

  
(and for one soaring moment Satori found his eternity in a pair of brown eyes, dully reflecting the sunset and tear-stained, but it was the most beautiful site he had ever seen)

 

  
( _I love you_ were the unspoken words.)

 

 

"Red? They match my hair, Semisemi! How sweet of you!"

  
"Shut up, Satori. I'm glad you're not blind."

  
(Satori realised he didn't deny it.)

  
"We're so old now. I honestly still can't believe _you_ got passing grades, Eita-kun~!"

  
Semi elbowed him playfully in the stomach.

  
"Unlike _someone_ I don't need to worry about my test scores before I get them because I'll at least scrape by with a C. That's good enough for me."

  
Tendou laughed loudly, muttering a _that's just like you, Eita-kun~._

  
"And what's that supposed to mean?!"

  
"OK, OK, I'll stop! We haven't really talked about this, but when we go to university we will visit each other often, right? Wakatoshi-kun won't want to hear about Yuuri-kun and Victor-kun's blossoming young love!"

  
Semi looked sad for just a second, before his expression snapped back to it's usual mocking smirk.

  
"They're both older than you. And do I even want to stay in contact with you?"

  
_(Eita did. He wanted to say 'of course.')_

  
Tendou nodded vigorously.

  
"You do, Eita-kun!"

  
_(Satori was always right, Eita thought.)_

  
"Maybe. I'm going to pack up my things. If we don't see each other while were leaving, then I'll say goodbye now. See you, Satori. Hopefully we'll meet again."

  
"Ah! So you do want to see me again? Goodbye, Eita-kun! Don't get too carried away while I'm not there!"

  
"Shut up."

  
Semi turned, raised a hand in farewell, and left, scarlet nails like blood against snow.

  
(Left Satori standing there alone)

  
(While Eita went to wipe of the scarlet on his nails with tears in his eyes.)

  
_That night, they met again in the gym. Tendou found Semi scribbling in the sharpie they had used after their final game in a corner near the ball cupboard._

  
_"What are you doing?" He asked, flicking on the light and pearing over his shoulder._

  
_"Making a memory. For us third years."_

  
_"Ah."_

  
_Tendou left it at that, he turned to leave before stopping._

  
_"On the bus. I was going to say that I loved you."_

  
_"Ah. I'm sorry."_

  
_"Sorry?"_

  
_"The university."_

_"We can still date, even of we're on other sides of the country."_

_"It's not the country."_

  
When Shirabu entered the gym the next morning, he found a shrine in black sharpie.

**Remember us. Shiratorizawa.**

  
_**Semi Eita** _

_**Ushijima Wakatoshi** _

_**Yamagata Hayato** _

_**Ohira Reon** _

_**and finally,** _

_**Tendou Satori** _

_Things Eita didn't want to say, but had to anyway._  
_"The university. I'm going to live in America for five years. Goodbye. I don't think we should stay in contact."_

  
_Things Eita wanted to say, but didn't._  
_"I love you too, Satori."_


End file.
